...nape ni???...

patut kew tanya soalan camtu??..huh!!..nak tau sgt nape aku diam seribu bahasa...ok2..

1. sebab kou menipu aku...

2. sebab kou x abeh2 nak menipu aku...

3. sebab aku x suka kucing...

4. sebab aku x suka duk umah sendiri tp mcm duk umah org laen..

5. sebab byk bende yg aku terasa giler ngan kou...


tp nape aku jadi mcm ni sebab aku XNAK CARI GADOH ngan kou...


jgn la mcm ni...i syg kat u...

SAYaNG???...mcm ni ke yg kou kata SaYaNG tuuu...

1. kou xpernah tau ati & perasaan aku...kou sakitkan ati aku...

2. kou pentingkan kwn dr aku...

3. kau x peduli aku..

4. kou x tanya ke mana aku pergi...

5. kou x pernah pikir pasal aku...

klu ni yg kou kata kou SAYANG aku...aku lah yg x tau hargai SAYANG kou tu...

...hysterical, depressed n wondering...

i was hysterical, depressed, i'm crying all da time bcoz i love him so much... i wish it never happened n i still wonder what the future will be rite now... i know i love him..my life without him is empty but my wound is so so deep..can the trust be ever re-built..

i dnt want to live like this...always wondering..maybe he turned to sumone else bcoz i wasn't doing enough in our relationship..i want to fight for what i deserve..i love him but apart of me just doesn't trust him anymore..

i feel that he is still having affair with 'her'..it's just feeling within me..i do not know how far its true..cause he cares for 'her' a lot than me..i'm hurting so bad n he doesn't even cares...how can i know whether my suspicious is true or i'm acting silly..

he has caused great pain in my life n with all his lies n humiliation, he has caused me to become so emotionally drained..i also told him what goes around comes around...sooner or later u get cought at your own games but the bad thing is he hurt the one that truly loved him..n wanted to grow old n take care of him..but he will hv to grow old n alone by himself..unless he find another fool gurl but hopefully she will be much smarter than i..


i believe that everyone can change..but even if he does i will probably never trust him...n i really can't hv a relationship without trust..i hv terrible asthma n it nearly threw me into an asthma attack..i love him but i hv been through so much..n i dn't feel like i deserve to be treated like this...

...guess what???..it happened again!!...

"bang, tolong tpup kan no nie...01*-328*19*...nnt wa bayar.."



before dis i told him that it wasn't cool n never to do it again..i don't want anything related with 'her'..he swore on God n said he was sorry..n it would never happen again..guess what??..it happened again!!..

i would always find out by checking his phone, not on da recent call list..but on da history of calls..i would also check all his deleted messages..he always denied that sumthing was going on..before dis, he told me that he juz needed sumbody to talk to..huh!!..i'm here..why u dont want to talk to me freely..

da one thing i learned from this relationship is to always trust your instincts..even when u dont have complete truth..n i always believe that no matter how much a person tries to hide da truth, da truth will come out..n u dnt hv to live your life in a lie..u hv choices n are entitled to a relationship where trust is a cornerstone...

...2 jam tido...

mlm td berborak ngan member sampai kul 2 pg...xengat punya berborak...ye la...dah lama x jupe ngan member sorang niii...actually, last nite we hangout at hartamas square...huurrmm..igt kan bley ar lyn af8 kat situ..sbb sblm ni pun diorg ada psng kat skrin besar...tp tersgt la sedey diorng tayang bola...adoooiiii...punah harapan....bkn aku laaa...kwn aku yg sorng niii...hikhikhik..dia ni fanatik gile ngan af niih..alang2 dah xley tgk af n wifi pown x ok aku ajak member2 aku lepak kat umah...berborak punye berborak...x igt jam dah kul 1pg...kwn aku yg sorng tu mmg dah hanyut...zzz...ye laahh..sok pg dia dah kene gi lcct...blk sarawak...eh!!...aku yg kene hntar dia...huurmmm..xpe laa...mata aku x mengantuk pown lagii...aku pun smbung berborak smpai kul 2pg...tu pun member ckp nak blk dah...klu x mmg sampai ke subuh kitorng berborak...asben pun baru je balik dr kuar ngan member2 dia...

kitorng decide nak tido kat depan tv...klu tido kat dlm bilik takut xterjaga...haha..mklumla tilam empuk...kul 4.45pg kwn aku kejut kan aku...aku mmg dah sedar dia mandi...cuma nye mata ni jew yg xbley nak buka...asben aku lak terus kuar pnskan enjin kete...pastu bley lak dia smbung tido dlm kete...cnfirm la aku yg kena drive...huhu...mmg aku dah agak dah....

flite kwn aku ni kul 7pg...so, kene ade kat sana sejam awal...means kul 6 mesti dah ada kat sana...ape lagi...pecut laaa...seb baek jln lengang...aku tgk asben lak sedap tido kat sblh...120km/h - 14okm/h aku bantai...haha..klu ade speed trap niii...mmg kena laaa....smpai kat lcct 10 min lg kul 6pg...hurrmm..mmg bajet aku sampai sblm kul 6....

sedey lak tgk kwn aku msk pintu pelepasan...bila la lg aku bley jupe dia....xpew2...next skewl holiday jgn lupa turun kl...kita hangout lagi yek.....take care tau....daaaa.....

...cookies hangiiittt...

skewl holiday... i haven't anything particular to do...mcm2 benda aku try...today, i try to make choc cookies...berkobar2 neh...heee~...before dis aku penah gak wat...tp tersngt la keras...maybe terlalu tebal kowt..then today aku wat nipis sket....hahaha...

firstly, mix all da thing...cookie flour, butter n egg...guna mixer jew senang...then, msuk kan choco chips...


then, divide batter tuk jadikan mcm bebola...n i put on ungreased baking tray...huurmmm...mcm tebal jew...huhu..i flatten slightly bg dia nipis sket...

hikhik...aci wat jew..xde seni langsung...nak kata bulat x bulat...bujur pun x...ni before msk oven...

nak jd kan citer...punyer excited nak wat cookies nii...wif higher level of confidence i baked in preheated oven at 250c.. and....huhuhu....


owwh dammnn!!!...so black...ouuchh!!!....i will try again...n again....plsss...dont give up...this is second time i wat...apsal x jadik2 niiihh...huurrmm..still hv another batter... n i try again...

yg ni aku bakar pada suhu 180c...huhu...it's better than before...but still x puas atii...mcm nak repeat wat jew...it's ok....i will try later...hehehe....

...masak...masak...masak....

hari ni masa aku diisi dgn benda2 yg berfaedah....klu x, mesti membuta sampai ke tghari...ish!..ish!..ish!..anak dara sape la niii...(anak dara kew?)..pagi2 lg aku dah bgn siap mandi...nak gi workout kat true fitness..rugi aku klu aku x gi tyme school holiday neh..tyme ni je la aku nak workout pown...tyme sek aku slalu blk lmbat..tmbhan lak nak sukan neh...cnfrm everyday blk petng jew...after finish my workout adik aku msg nak mkn tghari kat umah aku..huurrmm...aku pun mula la pikir nak msk ape...pikir punya pikir punya pikir...finally...hikhikhik...msk lemak cili api...tu jew yg aku pakar pown...yg laen tu bley laaa...ahakz...

kul 12tghari aku start masuk dapur...huurmm..dapur dah lama x berasap...bersawang dah pown..
tung....
tang....
tung....
tang....
finally...dis is da result...hikhikhik....

ketam masak lemak cili api...fuuhhh!!!...tgk rupa nmpk sedap....tp mmg sedap pown...asben aku bg 5 stars...walaweii....mcm nak suh aku msk je tiap2 hari...huhu...


sup sayur ayam...aci bedal jew resepi nii...but not bad laaa....still ade rase...hahaha....

ni plak sayur bendi goreng ape ntah...aku pown x tau...yg pasti aku x bubuh sket garam pown...takot masin...aku guna kicap jew...bley tahan gak laaa....

dis one menu yg paling simple...mudah kejew aku...ayam goreng kunyit...konon nak wat mcm kat kedai tu...heee~...okeyh laaa....

kul 2.15pm baru abeh memasak...siap basuh pinggan mangkuk kat dapur...ape tggu lagiii...ni la menu tengahari aku, adik2 aku ngan askar2 nye...huuurrmmm....aku rase tersangat la puas hati setelah lama tak memasak...still ade lagi bakat memasak aku neh...walaupun x seberapa...kihkihkih....i never really thought i would do something like dis...i'm so thankful...

...beautiful day...

waaahh!!!..best nye today...my mom n sis dtg umh.. kul 11am umah aku dah jd riuh ngan suara anak2 sedara aku...first benda yg anak sedara aku tanya mesti kete besi...kete besi ni mmg mainan yg selalu ank2 sedara aku maen klu dtg umah aku niii...huurrmm..dah lama diorg xdtg umah aku...spt biasa klu diorg ni dtg, mula la aku sibuk masak bg diorg mkn..klu aku jew duk umah mmg x berasap dapur umah aku...hikhik...kat dlm peti ais aku cuma ade cheese hotdog...aku pun mula la merebus hotdog..bkn maen suka lg ank2 sedara aku ni mkn...ibu diorg (adik aku) kata nasi lemak yg ibu msk x mkn pun...hotdog ni jugak la yg laku nyee...

mak aku lak sibuk ajak aku gi chow kit...dia kata kak seri dah tggu lama kat situ..nak beli brg sama2...kak seri tu bibik mak aku...huurmm..bkn maen rapat lg mak aku ngan bibik dia niii...gi mana2 pun bw sekali bibik...

haha..umah aku kembali berselerak ngan askar2 ni...aarrrgghhh!!!...mcm ape jew...aku pun mula berserabut kepala..xbley tgk umah mcm niii...sabar...sabar...nak marah budak lg...mmg betol la asben aku kata yg aku ni xbley ngan budak2 kecik ni...nak marah jew..patut la ngajar sek men...klu aku ngajar sek ren mcm mana la aku niii...mesti everyday tension...got high blood presure...naseb bek aku ni teknan drh rendah..huhuhu...

after my mom n sis blk umah msg2...aku ajak my asben lepak minum kat kdai mamak area bangsar...dahaga sgt2...lagipun mls aku nak lepak kat umah yg panas berkuap...huh!!...it's really exceptionally hot today...do u think it will rain??...huuuuhu..sah mmg nak ujan...masa aku lepak, asben aku ckp yg dia terasa ngan mak n bapk dia yg dtg kl x singgah umah pown..klu x dulu umah kami la tpt persinggahan diorng..skang ni anak yg sulong(abg mok) jd tmpt persinggahan...huurrmm.. entahlaa...aku ckp maybe mak terasa ngan aku sbb tiap kali diorg dtg aku jarang masak..selalu mkn kat luar...asben aku lak kata maybe mak n bpk terasa sbb asben aku x baek ngan abg dia ni...huurmm..biarla..yg penting kita tau tanggungjwb kita sbg anak n menantu...it's up to them either want to accept us or not...heee~...peace~....

miss sumone...dah lama aku x jenguk kwn aku yg sakit lymphoma cancer nii...her mom informed me dat she already start treatable with chemotherapy...ye laa..before dis we still waiting da result of biopsy..fyi, dis is a second biopsy...doctor said dat most patients who are able to be successfully treated and thus enter remission generally go on to live long lives...and hopefully she get well soon...miss her so much...

i heard incoming msg from my phone...

Sarah: "Ct, kt area umh ko tu ada nmpak x banner org jual air Ecpi kat kedai burger?"

aku: "ade kot...nape??..nak ke??..kwn aku pun ade jual.."

Sarah: "dia jual brape?"

aku pon xsure..aku rase dia jual sebtol rm6.80..aku pown terus call kwn aku tnya air ecpi tuu..

"tanya kwn ko kalau beli skotak boley dpt murah lg x? mane la tau kan..."

"td aku try, aku rasa mcm boley trus bernafas sikit..lega aku! klu tak,mau ke ppum lg mlm ni. dah dpt info trus msg aku k."

"diorg tu boley buat delivery atau kena g collect mak aku tanye?"

"ok, nak sekotak la klau camtu...aku tggu kat umah k! thank you so much."

aku terus call cikgu sek aku...dia ade jual air tu...lps je maghrib aku terus gi amik air tu then terus gi umah sarah kat Bukit Antarabangsa...huhu...dah lama x jupe dia...sgt kurus aku tgk...
tiap kali aku jupe dia...ade je perubahan yg aku nmpk...before dis aku nmpk dia dah kurang batuk...maybe sbb dah buang air kat jantung kot...sian dia kene tebuk..seram oowwh...
ari ni aku perasan kaki dia bengkak...Ya Allah..takot aku tgk...

Sarah...
Kuatkan semangat yek...aku sgt2 sedey ngan ko...tp aku x nak tunjuk kat ko...ko mmg tabah org nye...aku selalu doakan ko cepat sembuh..bley kita lepak sama2...nnt klu ko dah sihat sket...ko lepak kat umah aku jew yek...x yah kita lepak kat luar...x baek tuk kesihatan ko...

thx to aunty...(mama sarah)...
sbb layan kitorng ni dgn baik...sian aunty kene layan kitorng yg otak gila2...huhu..yg pasti aunty mmg mama yg hot laaa....

.....sayang kamu semua.....

***flite delay***

x abeh2 nak menipu...xpew2..aku dah bley tau muka menipu ni...flite sepatutnya kul 8.00mlm td..tp apsal smpai umah kul 11pg...hurrmm..katanya flite delay..kul 9 pg dr singapore...aku pun mls nak tanya byk smpaikan kwn aku tepon ngamuk2 tnya laki dia tido mana mlm td..dia bgtau aku yg diorng mmg dah blk sini mlm td..siap pegi clubbing bagai...nak wat camne??..mmg kaki clubing..kwn aku ni mengamuk bukan sbb ape..anak tgh sakit kat hospital bley plak si bapak ni gi enjoy mcm xde anak bini...hurrmm..mmg x patut...tp nape yek..aku mcm x kisah jew dgn ape yg diorng wat...klu aku dulu mmg aku tengking + mengamuk sakan bila tau dia menipu...mgkin ke aku dah fedup??..aku mmg dah perasan yg dia hide sumthing dr aku...aku wat2 kemas brg n tgk pasport dia...hah!!..terbukti yg diorg mmg dah blk mlm td..flite kul 8.00mlm...cop kat pasport n tiket flite sbg bukti...xpew2...lps je dia selesai solat asar aku terus mnta pnjelasan..nape mesti nak menipu??...x mengaku jugak..ok fine!!..i try call bos dia..no answer..aku try lak call kwn dia yg sorg ni..aku mmg percaya ngan kwn ni...mmg baek n x penah menipu...aku tanya flite pulang masia kul bape??..dgn tergagap dia bgtau flite kul 11pg td..haahh!!...kan???...sorg kata flite kul 9...yg sorg lak ni kata flite kul 11...huuurrrmmm...nak menipu tp xpandai...nak tipu plak wife yg educated mcm kitorng ni mmg salah laaaa.....cek hndphone ade gambar dlm flite n date mlm td...huurm..mls nak ckp byk...finally, aku pun bgtau kat member aku ni a.k.a wife org...diorng memang SAH MENIPU!!!!!!......

...kejew bodow...

***traffic jem***

fuuhh!!..dah jd kebiasaan setiap jumaat jln mesti jem giler...ape nak jd nii..pagi2 traffic dah slow..huurmm..camne x slow nye..bwk kete cam tuuutt...it's like want to display to them a middle finger..dah la bodow..byr kete mhl2 just to drive slow...back to back bodow..which means I can show both middle fingers!!!..hahaha...oh nope..cannot dude...both hands must be on the steering wheel.. most of m'sian drivers are shitty, not to be racist but mostly are women..so, women n gurls don't feel bad..try to improve keyh...(aku pun kene improve gak laa)...oppss!!terlebey sudey...sabar!..sabar!!..x bley sabar dah ni..nnt x pasal2 aku kene surat tnjuk sebab lg dtg lewat..huh!!..
************************************************************************************************************************************************

***lagi traffic jem***

apsal mlm pown byk lg kete niii...dah la aku kene sampai kat gym before 9pm..sempat ke nii??..hurrmm..lastly mmg x smpat..polis lak busy dok menyaman kete2 yg park kat tepi2 jln..huh!!..mmg xde chan la aku nak workout mlm nii...pusing cr parking dah msk 3x..n final result, balik umah je laaa....igt nak lepak kat Hartamas Square..cnfirm kat situ pun parking full..wut to do??..balik umah then tidow je laaa....